N.O. [I AM not obligated] to my past

3 Tips to ensure an emotionally successful New Year.

For a long time, I felt obligated to remain in my past for a couple of reasons: one, an overwhelming need to submit to low self-esteem and worth. I lost myself a couple of years ago. The funny thing, I was living my obvious truth yet, it wasn’t the purpose that God had intended for my present.

For a long time, I felt obligated to remain in my past for a couple of reasonings: one, an overwhelming need to submit to low self-esteem and worth. I lost myself a couple of years ago. The funny thing, I was living my obvious truth yet, it wasn’t the purpose that God had intended for my present. ​However, until now, I didn’t realize that I was unaware that living in the past was not me acting and moving by faith as my best self. This life that I was living was the life that was befitting for my history and was no longer needed for my future. And of course, because of this, I kept unconsciously repeating the same mistakes consistently.

For example, I allowed myself to be subjected to what others felt was best for me. In their defense, even though their intentions, for the most were well intended, their version of my reality kept me from discovering my real purpose. Why? Because you see, our experiences are laden with our fears, worries, and doubts. Not all fears, concerns, and doubts are meant to destroy others, or even ourselves, but the key is baffling because when giving or extending our thoughts, opinions, and values to others, the reality of the current situation can be misconstrued based on past experiences that were meant for our learning and NOT for our present living.

We can use a lesson that helped us to solve a past circumstances. Just remember that lesson was not meant nor designed to be the solution to what one may be currently experiencing. Not for our current living situation, right? So, what happens Lisa may you ask? We develop an unconscious need to reside in comfort. Thereby, we settle. We settle because, for some, it is better to remain in a certain amount of comfort over no comfort at all.

So why NO? Why did I choose this acronym to prove a point of how we can unconsciously hold ourselves, hostage, to our past? We begin to feel obligated to stay miserable. WHAT? The funny thing is, you think that you are comfortable. You believe that everything is okay. But in all actuality, misery has masked itself as comfortability. Just as in any relationship, we develop a need to rest in distress. We accept what is given versus trying harder. We remain in unworthy jobs because we have embedded fears of stepping out on faith and striving for a bigger, better, and brighter future. The thing is once you remain in that mess for so long you become obligated to keep up the unladen misery. Oh, you know the ole’ cliché’ misery loves company.

Well, honey, I am here to tell you that misery does love company, but you can pass on the invitation. I believe that when we are miserable, we are trying to prove something to ourselves. Well heck. STOP. Ask yourselves “why do I feel as if I do not deserve happiness?” And I don’t mean just because it’s the first of the year either. Just because it’s the new year is not going to make your self-obligation to your past magically disappear. See when you have low self-esteem you are committed to the things that will reinforce your comfortability of now feeling good about yourself. Prime example, you know that person is not good for you, but you continue in the friendship because it reaffirms why you should stay over why you should go. See you must change your outlook. Not the other person baby.

You must determine what is more important, whether you are becoming a better person or remaining stuck. NO. Once you are forgiven, you are NOT OBLIGATED to your past mistakes. Forgive yourself. And learn to say NO to anyone who strives to keep you imprisoned in your past. And sweetie no amount of New Year’s resolutions is going to remove the guilt of a non-forgiving heart. So, here’s the deal, what you’ve been waiting for. And of course,

I have more than three keys for you especially if you kept reading thus far. Ha. Well, at this point in the game, these are more like your New Year’s recalibrated affirmations. SMILE, because at the end of the day, enough is enough.

  1. I am not obligated to the negative opinions that others may hold of me. NO.
  2. I am not obligated to my past mistakes. NO.
  3. I am not obligated to remain in relationships that secretly hover over my demise. NO.
  4. I am not obligated to listen to the negative opinions of others when they are not present. NO.
  5. I am not obligated to remain your friend just because we’ve been friends for umpteen’ years. NO.
  6. I am not obligated to subject myself to emotional abuse at the expense of another’s need to feel validated. NO.
  7. I am not obligated to like you. NO.
  8. I am not obligated to listen to nonsense. NO.
  9. I am not obligated to need or want your approval. NO.
  10. I am not obligated to subject myself to emotional or physical harm. NO.
  11. I am not obligated to be another person’s punching bag. NO.
  12. I am not obligated to work with you, and you do not show me respect. NO.
  13. I am not obligated to feel bad about myself based on an unforgiving heart. NO.

I mean family, I can go on and on with why you are not obligated to the people, places, or things, that drive or have driven you ‘absolutely’ crazy.' As a matter of fact, this last statement is number fourteen. NO to people, places, and things that have contributed to me allowing those things to drive me CRA CRA. #teamrealtalk. Family, entering 2019 from a healthy perspective means incorporating the word NO. From my point of view, in this instance, this is a very positive thought process.

  1. NO more hurt.
  2. NO more pain.
  3. NO more random craziness.

And as a matter of factly’, NO, I am not obligated to a New Year’s resolution when I haven’t even finished the last one, or the one before that, or the one before that. #teamrealtalk

YES, what I have decided to do is focus on being a better me and doing what I feel empowers me to be better, to do better, to attract more, and to be the person that my family and loved ones need and expect.

NO, you are not obligated to remain in your past and continuously validate your low self-esteem. NO.

Make a commitment to stop that immediately. Increasing your low-self-worth means challenging your self-concept. You are, however, obligated just to be you if you want to and that may mean NO New Year’s resolution until 2050! Take some of that pressure off yourself and try a 'Mid-Year’s' resolution heck! After all the bible does say in Lamentations 3:22-23 [NIV] 22. Because of the Lord’s great love, we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. 23. They are “new” every morning; great is Your faithfulness.

Until next time, -Lisa